Ok, you’ve gone and done it. You’ve signed yourself up for some big scary goal to get you back into riding condition. So training must begin or you’ll never make it to the finish line. You’ve started hard and on a good path. Then…well, life happens. You know, job, kids, divorce, long-Covid (enter excuse here for why you haven’t ridden your bike in the last 2 weeks), etc.
So your training plan hasn’t, well, gone to plan. So now you are questioning whether you should even participate at all. I’m here to say yes, go for it!
But be prepared. Greg LeMond might have said, when talking about training, “It never gets easier, you just get faster.” From this quote and your “realistic” training schedule, you can therefore extrapolate the following: It will not be easy, and you will be slow.
So here is a simple guide to some steps you can take to meet whatever crazy challenge you’ve signed yourself up to this season while trying to limit your suffering as much as possible.
Lower your expectations
Its ok to be slow. There is a slowest rider in every race, and so what if it is you? In some races there is even a prize for being last. You need only be faster than the broom wagon, the mid-point cut-off time, etc.
Aim low and you will be so thrilled when you blast past that mid-race marker that you will be floating on a high rather than sobbing on a low while everyone overtakes you. You are a winner for just showing up and not spending the day watching bike racing on your couch. Celebrate the chance you have to be on your bike today and not dealing with whatever crazy shit that got in the way of your training.
The broom wagon has already caught up with me after 5 km of a race that I still finished.
Get comfortable, this is going to take a while
Maybe there was a time you could do XX kilometers in only 2-3 hours. Yeah, multiply that by 1.5 now. Or maybe worse. And that’s ok (see point above). Now you are all about “enjoying” the ride. So here is how to really enjoy sitting on your bike for 4, 6, 12 hours to accomplish your goal:
Clothing
Buy yourself at least one set of good clothing and don’t skip on the extras. Clothing matters when you are riding all day, especially if weather changes. It might get cold, or hot, or rainy. Bring layers and buy yourself a giant ugly bike-packing bag to carry them in (trust me, its way more comfy than stuffing your pockets). You don’t care about speed and equipment weight anymore, as it’s not going to carry your extra 10kg from winter up that 3000m challenge that you set for yourself. If you are warm, fed, and not miserable you are far more likely to complete your challenge than the extra kg is going to cost you over the day.
- When buying your bibs, make sure they fit well : you want to make sure they don’t rub you in the wrong places due to weirdly placed seams, insist on a good quality chammy that fits your body shape.
Gents, very important, make sure the shorts hold your junk. If your precious family jewels start falling to places you don’t want, you might just suffer from a not-so-fun kind of friction.
Ladies, bib shorts are way more comfy than shorts, so find a brand that makes bibs with special attachments or with ultra-stretchy shoulder straps so you can pee without removing your entire upper kit. - Bring layers. Long days and elevation changes can make a big difference to finishing or not. Long gloves, vests, rain jackets…bring them if there is even a question that you may need them. They can make the difference between finishing your challenge or getting rescued with hypothermia. Plus, you will be warm and happy on that last decent at twilight just ahead of the broom wagon.
At least we know that their shorts are supportive!
The saddle
Do you love your saddle? Or are your just in a “kinda like, well this will do, I’m too lazy to bother to change” type of relationship? The wrong saddle is like getting stuck in a bad marriage. Don’t find out at the worst moment that you’ve made a terrible decision. Once you find the right saddle, you just know.
Find the saddle that works for you for long days and put a ring on it. It’s going to know your intimate parts just as well as your partner (if not more). And the right saddle could make the difference between being exclusive only with your saddle or partying it up with your partner after the race.😉
Since we are talking intimately, there is another hint that can help you on those long days with your saddle: Saddle cream. Oh yes, rub it all over, far and wide, and say goodbye to any friction that can end your day early. If you are too cheap to buy the expensive assos cream, or forgot it at home, don’t worry; many shops sell baby diaper rash cream and it works just as well 😉
Road vibration
Can you feel the vibrations? He he, no, this is not good. Vibrations in your arms and hands for an hour or two are manageable. For 6-8 hours, it can make your hands numb or even cause long-term damage. Not to mention the extra impact on the rest of your body from trying to compensate for the discomfort in your upper body.
There are many options for good ergonomic handlebars, thick bar tape, gel inserts, and of course, well-padded gloves that fit properly (i.e. are not too tight around the fingers, taking into consideration that your hands could swell over the course of the day from heat or exhaustion).
Mangia e bevi bene
Proper food and drink is critical if you are riding all day long. You can only consume energy bars and isotonic drinks for so long before your body may start to have some difficulty processing them. And if you can no longer eat and drink because of digestion issues, your ride is over. The energy requirements for a “short” race have nothing to do with what it takes for you to survive 8 or more hours on the bike.
In my personal experience, I find eating small amounts of “real” food and drink make for a much happier tummy on long days. Each person has different nutritional needs and the best advice I can recommend is to listen to your body and eat what makes you happy. It’s fairly simple, you just need calories and fluid to ride all day, and because you are not a finely tuned athlete, you don’t need fancy expensive energy supplements to get you there.
**Added side-note: ** Coca-cola is an excellent last resort when the overwhelming fatigue has taken over your body and you’re stomach hurts too much to consume anything. Its magical unknown properties will calm your tummy while giving you the boost of energy that you need to finish your challenge.
Food, any food, tastes incredible at this stage.
Bike fit
Make sure your bike fits. The better the fit, the better you will feel. Simple.
Tires
Word on the street is bigger tires don’t make you slower. So if you still insist on riding on the 23mm trend of yesteryear, wake up to the times my friend. Big tires can be run at lower pressures and make for such a nice comfy ride that you will be kicking yourself for not having changed sooner
Luxury extra
If you can afford it, buy a comfy bike. Not all lightweight carbon frames ride like a wild horse at a rodeo. Test some different bikes, and you might be able to find yourself a cool new comfy road bike that you’ll be happy to ride deep into the night and beyond.
Hone your skills
There are 4 critical skills that require little to no fitness that you can rely on to survive a cyclosportive:
1. SPIN for maximum power
Power = Torque x Cadence
Torque is quite simply the amount of force that you apply to your pedals. Because you haven’t had much time to train, the amount of force that you can apply to those pedals, especially on a long day, will be limited. So how do you maximize your power output?
Cadence matters. Improve your spin speed and you will improve your power output, and save your legs and knees on that long day out.
Some old dude once taught me a simple rule, while he stomped me up a climb, when I was a 23-y-old newby: Always pedal in a lower gear than you think. Grinding out in a higher gear is good for sprints, but if you want to ride all day and into your retirement years, learn to spin.
That simple rule therefore applies to your gearing. If your gears don’t allow you to spin up that hill in your challenge, then you should modify your set-up (new cassette, chain ring, or even the whole drivetrain if needed).
I’m a proud member of the 36 club (36 tooth cassette on the back). I even know people who’ve managed to stuff 40s on the back. These enormous granny gears will allow you to spin uphill no matter how utterly exhausted you are. You’ll be able to continue slowly up that hill without falling over while others are pushing their bikes or lying-in fetal position on the side of the road.
Helpful tip: turn off the automatic pause on our Garmin to keep recording!
In the midst of misery, there are still small victories… after 150 km and 3,000m in the legs, I was still faster than those guys
2. Save your effort for sprints
No, not to beat out your opponent to the finish line. You need to sprint to catch the wheel of that person or group that is about to overtake you.
If you are too tired trying to push yourself faster all alone, you will never have what it takes to hop onto a group that can literally pull you to the end. Road cycling is thankfully a tactical sport and if you are clever, you can ride far with little effort.
3. Ride well in a group
If you are not comfortable riding in a group and you need help, ask…there are loads of groups and clubs willing to teach these skills. Otherwise, join one of my Skill Clinics!
If you don’t have time to join a group, at the very least, scroll youtube channels for tutorials. It’s a skill that will help you no matter your fitness.
And when you find that wheel to hang onto for dear life, be gracious.
Ladies, most guys are pretty happy to help you hold onto their wheel. So be grateful and accept this gender advantage for a change.
Gents, you don’t have this advantage (sorry), but you can still be grateful, kind, and promise a round of beers to the group that pulls you to the finish. Most cyclists like beer. It’s a good tactic.
Extra shout out to the ladies: I didn’t mention riding behind ladies above, not because they don’t exist, but because it’s a non-issue to tuck in and hold their wheel. We love helping others, it’s part of our maternal/empathetic instincts. We won’t even ask for a beer in return. Love you sistas!
4. Descend with confidence
I can’t count how many cyclosportives that I’ve ridden where I watched dozens of people push hard to overtake me on a climb only to get overtaken on the descent. All that hard work only to get their asses handed to them by a girl (sometimes wearing a dress) joyfully bombing downhill.
Learning to descend efficiently is a skill that requires no fitness and can make the difference between catching a group that can pull you to the finish or spending a lot of time all alone in misery. Just like riding in a group, if you need help on the downhill, there are resources available if you are willing to ask, including me! Do it, you will not regret it.
Beer: rehydrates, replenishes electrolytes and numbs the pain a little.
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